Changes

Fifteen days and a big change is coming our way and I am struggling with it. If I was Scarlett, I’d be saying “I can’t think about that right now. If I do, I’ll go crazy. I’ll think about that tomorrow.“ I have to face it. Our youngest will be headed to school. He will start Pre-K this year as he is a December baby. He is ready to go to school and has been for a long time. I am not ready!

He’s my baby. He’ll come home changed after the very first day. He’ll be more independent - needing me less often. Thus I am not ready for this. I must admit I am excited for him. He watched his sister climb onto the bus last spring and asked, “Why can’t I ride the bus?” Now that his rite of passage is here, well, I am hesitant. I worry even though he’ll have his big sister on the bus and in the same school. He has been excited about shopping for his school supplies, choosing lunch bags and this weekend we’ll experience school shopping for him. He is a picky dresser. He likes clothes that make him look “handsome.” I’ll follow the bus to school and watch as he gets off and gets directed into the building. All through my tears. It’s so hard to let go. Our kids are ready to grow up before I am ready to let them. So as mothers do, I’ll rise to the occasion and play my part ~ and inside I‘ll weep. Camera in hand, I’ll take pictures and at a later date, I’ll create his “first day at school” scrapbook page.

I look forward to cutting his sandwiches into various shapes, tucking a sweet bit of chocolate in his lunch sack and leaving simple little notes for him, just like I do for his sister. I want him to know I love him. I want him to excel. I hope he likes his teacher, his classroom and classmates. I want it to be a positive experience from the beginning.

Change is bitter-sweet. I was emotional over their progress. Reality hit me after the excitement wore off over their rolling, crawling and then walking. I was relieved when they were able to tell me what hurt and where. And yet, their development meant growth. Another baby phase left behind. It all passes so quickly ~ too quickly.

As parents, we want to protect our children from everything. An impossible task but we still try. I tell myself, I survived riding the bus, elementary school and all that little ones will encounter. Yes, it was a different world back then but he’ll be okay.

Is there anything left to look forward to? Yes, and I anxiously wait while at the same time I cling to the past, the memories, moments and cute expressions. Never wanting to let go. And as sure as the hand on the clock continues to circle and tick time away, changes will keep coming my way. Only 15 more days!